How to set personal boundaries to protect your energy
Feeling exhausted by the demands of others? It might be time to set some boundaries.
Personal boundaries are little rules or guidelines we set for ourselves to protect our energy around others.
Some common examples include:
Refusing to engage in any conversations that make you feel uncomfortable
Saying no to requests that you don’t wish to fulfil
Taking time out to look after yourself
Cancelling a commitment because you feel unwell
Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, especially with close friends and family.
They might sound a bit scary or serious – but they don’t have to be! Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out, they are more about managing your own energy levels so that when you are around other people, you have more to give.
If anything, boundaries are one of the highest forms of self-care. When you feel like you’re living in accordance with your values, you’ll feel more grounded and calm around others.
Here are some tips for setting personal boundaries.
1. Take responsibility for your thoughts only
When you start to set personal boundaries, you might not agree with everyone in your life – but that’s OK. You can only be responsible for your thoughts and feelings, not those of other people. Let other people think and feel what they wish – you do you. Sometimes, this is about agreeing to disagree, and moving on.
Read This: Kind Self-talk: How to be kinder to yourself about yourself.
2. Prioritise self-care
Write a list of everything that makes you feel happy and energised. Include big things (like special celebrations) and little things (like reading a book or spending time in nature). Try to make this list as extensive as possible.
Once you’ve thought of everything you can, make a commitment to do at least one of the things on your list each and every day. Make self-care a daily priority, not a once-in-a-blue-moon activity.
The better you look after yourself, the better you’ll be able to look after others.
Read This: Self-care first: Why it’s not selfish and how to do it.
3. Give yourself permission
You will find it hard to maintain personal boundaries if you don’t believe you are worthy of them. But, you are! Give yourself permission to live in accordance with your values. If you need to, write yourself a giant permission slip and put it somewhere you can see it every day.
4. Practice saying no
When you start to honour your boundaries, you will need to say no to people from time to time. If you’re the sort of person who hates to say no, this might take some practice! Give it a try and you’ll realise it’s not as scary as it sounds. Most people will appreciate your honesty and respect your decision.
5. Minimise people pleasing
People pleasing is very normal and often comes from a good place – we all want to be liked and appreciated. But if people pleasing comes at the cost of your own happiness, this could lead to resentment and some big relationship issues on the horizon. Try to avoid people pleasing for the sake of people pleasing and instead concentrate on looking after yourself, first. Taking care of others will follow.